“你知道,亲爱的,不同年龄的人喜欢不同的音乐,” 简劝说道。“还记得我们听过的一些音乐吗?”
史蒂夫笑了,“你说得有道理。也许吃点早饭能让我感觉好一点。”
\you notice how much makeup our fifteen-year-old daughter was wearing this morning? I can't believe I didn't notice. I suppose we should feel lucky because makeup is our biggest problem with her. I've seen other teenagers walking around town with tattoos and piercings all over their bodies.\
“你注意到了吗,今天早晨我们15岁的女儿都化了什么样的妆?我真不敢相信自己以前没有注意到。我想我们应该感到幸运,因为我们女儿的最大问题还只是化妆。我看到其他年轻人在镇上游手好闲,还文身,浑身穿了许多洞。
\influence on Sandy. I don't know what's happening to our little girl. She's changing and I'm concerned about her. Makeup, terrible music—who knows what will be next? We need to have a talk with her. The news is full of stories about teenagers in trouble whose parents hardly know anything about their problems.\
\I don't think her music is so terrible. But in any case, you're right. We need to have a talk with Sandy,\
”
“令我担心的是,”史蒂夫说,“那种音乐对桑迪可能有负面的影响。我不知道我们的女儿到底怎么回事。她在变,我很担心她。化妆品,糟糕的音乐,谁知道以后还会有什么花样?我们得和她谈谈。新闻里报道的尽是惹上麻烦的青少年,可他们的父母却不知道自己的孩子有什么问题。”
“哦,我倒不认为她的音乐如此糟糕。但不管怎么说,你还是说得对,我们需要和桑迪谈谈,” 简说道。
As Jane Finch drove to work, she thought about her Sandy. She knew what she wanted to say, what she had to say to Sandy. She was so glad that she and Sandy could still talk things over. She knew she had to
have patience and keep the lines of communication with her daughter open. She wanted to be there as an anchor for her, but at the same time she would give her freedom to find her own identity.
”去上班的路上,简·芬奇一面开着车,一面想着她的桑迪。她知道自己想说什么,得对桑迪说什么。她和桑迪之间还可以进行交流,这令她很高兴。她知道自己得有耐心,得保持自己和桑迪之间沟通的渠道畅通。她想在桑迪的身边,做她的保护人,同时又给她寻找自我的自由。
Is There a Generation Gap?
The term \the generation gap is that parents and children have different values and beliefs. As a result, many parents fear that peer opinions will become more highly valued and that they in turn will lose influence. Although the term continues to be used often, some people are beginning to ask the question, \
“代沟”这一术语出现于20世纪60年代。代沟的概念之一是指父母和孩子有不同的价值观和信仰。
因此,很多父母害怕孩子赞成伙伴的观点,父母转而失去影响力。虽然这个术语还是常常被使用,有人却开始问这个问题:“今天的社会还有代沟吗?”
One study compared four generations, aged 18-30, 31-48, 49-62, and 63 and over. Several questions were asked to tap into basic beliefs and values, such as \the very best place in the world to live in\was great consistency in the responses.
Many studies on youth also refute the concept of a generation gap. These studies show that while young people tend to value their peers' evaluations over parents' on things like music, clothing and what's \they continue to look to parents for basic values and guidance in the more important areas of life, such as career and lifetime goals.
有一项研究比较了四代人:18-30岁的人,31-48岁的人,49-62岁的人,63岁和63岁以上的人,
问了几个问题以了解人们对一些问题的基本信仰和价值观,如“努力工作是成功之道”,“美国是世界上最佳的生活地”。四代人给出的答案非常接近。
许多对年轻人的研究驳斥了代沟这一观念的存在。这些研究显示,较之父母对音乐、服装和何为“酷”的评价,年轻人更趋于赞同伙伴的见解,与此同时,在生活中更重要的方面,如职业生涯、终身目标等,他们还是继续依赖父母的基本价值观和指导。
Of course, general trends can't always be applied to individual cases. It is natural to feel like there is an uncomfortable \and us and that there is a need to bridge it. Perhaps, though, the problem does not lie in a difference of opinions or values, but in the way we relate to and communicate with each other. Here are some tips from an article entitled \
当然,总趋势是不能时时用于个例的。觉得在我们和我们的十多岁孩子之间好像存在令人不快的“代沟”,需要弥合它,这是自然的。然而,问题也许不在于见解和价值观的不同,而在于我们相互理解和沟通的方式。下面的建议摘自于一篇题为“弥合代沟”的文章,也许对弥合代沟有所帮助
Show respect. An attitude of respect and trust can be contagious. Young people tend to see themselves the way their parents see them. In turn, they gain self-confidence and respect for themselves when you show that you respect their ability to make decisions and learn from their mistakes.
尊重他人。尊重与信任是能感染人的。年轻人往往以父母看待他们的方式看待自己。反过来,当你表示你尊重他们有能力决策和从错
误中学习时,他们会因此而获得自信和自尊。
Listen more than you talk. Questioning can sound like interrogation. Instead, adopt an attitude of curiosity rather than control. Ask questions like \will you do now?\with?\If your object is only to listen, you should be careful not to be preparing your response while your teen is still talking. You'll hear better that way, and they will be encouraged to talk more.
多听少说。询问听起来可能像审问,不要这样。应该抱有好奇的态度而不是控制之心。问些这样的问题:“怎么会这样?你现在怎么看?当时吃惊吗?现在打算怎么做?你有什么计划?这事你是不是需要帮助?”如果你的目的只是听,在孩子说话时,你就需小心别在心里琢磨怎么回答。这样你会听得更好,而孩子也会受到鼓励说得更多。
Ask whether your child wants to hear it before sharing your point of view. Only go on if they say \expect them to agree with you. If you state your case with a \makes sense to me\things\
先问孩子是否想听,然后才说你的观点。只有当孩子说“是”时才继续说下去,而且要简洁。不要说教,不要期待孩子同意你的观点。说话时,如果你的态度是“我是这样理解的”,而不是“这样看问题才对”,孩子就可能更愿意听,而不会有逆反心理。
Think \the house; how can we take care of what needs to be done?\can get across the message \that conflicts might otherwise create.
用“我们”而不用“你”。“离开家之前我们要做家务,我们怎么料理必须做的事呢?”不论你用什么方式,只要能将“这是我们共同的事”这一信息传达给孩子,就有助于弥合本可能由冲突带来的鸿沟。
Keep calm. You can easily destroy your credibility by getting angry or too excited during a conversation. Instead of \ruining your life!\think you might do in a situation like that?\
保持冷静。交谈时生气或者太激动,你就可能轻易地毁了自己的可信度。不要说“你毁了你的一生!”而要说“我担心如果......会怎么样。在这种情况下,你想你可能怎么办?”
Don't apply double standards. Teenagers pay close attention to double standards. Don't expect them to follow rules you don't follow yourself. Whether it's about checking in by the phone, putting things away or drinking out of the milk carton, \not improve the relationship.
不要使用双重标准。青少年非常警惕双重标准。别指望他们遵守你自己都不遵守的规则。无论是打电话报平安,还是叫他们收拾东西,或用奶盒喝牛奶,“照我说的做”而不是“照我做的做”是不会改善关系的。
Admit your own mistakes and talk about what you are learning from them. Showing self-acceptance and tolerance for imperfection is very encouraging to teenagers (as well as other people around you) and tends to make you easier to approach with questions, regrets and challenges. Apologize when you think you had done or said something differently, like losing your cool or saying something hurtful during an argument.
承认自己的错误,说说你从他们身上学到了什么。表现出自我接受和对不完美的容忍能很好地鼓励青少年(以及你身边的其他人),也往往能让他们更容易接近你,向你提出问题、表达遗憾甚至对你提出挑战。当你认为自己做错了事或说错了话,比如发了脾气或争论时说了令人伤心的话,就道歉。
Enjoy them. The humor, energy and sense of possibility teenagers often have can awaken parents to positive sides of themselves they had
forgotten or neglected. When teens experience being liked, they usually act more likeable.
有欣赏之心。青少年常有幽默感,充满活力,看什么事都觉得可能,这些能使父母意识到自己身上已被忘记或忽略的好的方面。当十多岁的孩子体验到被人爱时,他们通常表现得更可爱。
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